Five non-culinary uses for tofu

1. Printing. You've tried lino, you've tried wood — hey, when you were younger you even tried potatoes. Now try carving your design into a big chunk of 'fu. Dip it in the paint and get to work on that butcher paper (oh the artistic justice!)

2. Wall insulation. You need to drain it well first, otherwise once you put it in there, you'll have problems with rising damp... rising, smelly damp.

3. A couple of the big blocks, still in their wrappers, will do very nicely as a pillow or neck support when camping.

4. A useful means of escape from those annoying situations in which, for no apparent reason, you're expected to defend your diet and worldview. Hell, even we vegans don't like this stuff when it's raw and completely untreated. Can you imagine the effect on someone who's asking you What about plants' feelings? or describing in great detail how rare and bloody they like their steak? Simply unwrap and throw — then run!

5. Strap on some tofu knee-pads, for when you are skateboarding or inline-skating your way to the shop for some more tofu.

Vegan Expressionism

I found this at McSweeney's while doing a search for something else: Expressions for Vegans by Michael Armstrong...

Let's talk tofurkey.

We had a whale of a time, unless that particular whale happens to be getting illegally harpooned by a boatload of murderous Japanese fishermen. If that's the case, then we just had fun — as much fun as civilized people can have with all the killing going on.

It's a dog-eat-soy-based-food-substance-shaped-into-the-form-of-a-dog world.

Holy cow. Seriously, they're deities.

Running around like a chicken with its head full of hope and possibilities now that everyone has become a vegan.

So hungry I could eat a horse. What? Sometimes I just crave a burger. Is that so unforgivable?

Cute idea — the sort of thing which does crop up in everyday language use, but taken to its enjoyably absurd extreme. With my tongue likewise firmly in cheek, I'd like to add a couple of Australian variations.

Gently prod the crows!

Lovingly place another shrimp on the barbie, which is completely cold and submerged under water.

Any other suggestions?

Spring Potluck

This afternoon: a vegan potluck meet up in Centennial Park. The crowd was much smaller than hoped for, but it was a very pleasant gathering, full of good vegan food and good company in a completely picturesque location. I took along some mini cupcakes — VCTOTW chocolate with lemony chocolate buttercream icing, and carrot cake with lemon buttercream icing and marzipan carrots.

Gluten-free cupcakes with lemon icing and blueberries brought along by Mandee.

Jammin'

Made a few hours earlier this evening: the Low-Fat Vanilla cupcakes from VCTOTW, with a smear of melty raspberry jam, and a dash of icing. They turned out very similar to the Golden Vanilla, though perhaps with a slightly different texture (but who could tell after only one batch whether it was the recipe or the baking time?). The jam was, not surprisingly, a lot like jam. These really wanted something with a bit more zing... Next time!

"... I see a flock"

Spotted at Cupcake Kitteh: a packet mix for choc walnut slice from Melinda's Gluten-Free Goodies... gluten-free, vegan, locally owned, and gorgeously packaged.
And even better — the news that the results were good. I had to try this for myself. So I did, yesterday afternoon.



Verdict: they're great. I might need to adjust the time/temperature down for my oven, or, as Mandee did, add a little more liquid to the mix, but basically... yum! If you're in the mood for some delicious chocolate slice and supporting a young local company, take a look in the health food or baking section of your nearest Woolworths/Safeway. Currently, the choc walnut is the only vegan option, but here's hoping some more will be introduced.

Also spied on Mandee's blog (I'm not cyberstalking her, I swear!) were two lovely little sheep from Germany (scroll down after the click). They reminded me of my own collection of German sheep — all of them on that one mug you can see in the photo.

And now, for your audiovisual pleasure, three pop cultural sheep touchstones.

Sheep — The Housemartins (yes, I know they're not singing about actual sheep)



Some Boogie Woogie Sheep, care of Ernie (and Bert)



And the incomparable Shaun the Sheep

Hatefulness is Devine

The work of Miranda Devine, a conservative columnist for the Sydney Morning Herald and Sun-Herald, has generally enraged and entertained me in equal measure. Her writing tends to combine specious reasoning and vindictiveness, which she then flings at "establishment feminists", cyclists (and vegan cyclists), "those glory-seeking civil rights lawyers" who worked on the David Hicks case in the USA, the "liberal luvvies" of Hollywood... you get the drift.

But with today's column she has reached a new level of vitriol with respect to vegetarians and vegans. There's some evidence here that she's trying to be funny — or at least wry — and were it from another writer, I might give her that benefit of the doubt. But this is Miranda, and I'm not laughing.

Not content with raising the cost of everything, terrifying small children and ruining the fun of driving, the gloom merchants of global warming now want us to stop eating meat to save the planet.

Oh dear. That doesn't sound good.

On Tuesday, Rajendra Pachauri, the head of the IPCC (the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change), who just happens to be a vegetarian, declared meat-eating a grave carbon sin, and one which ought to be taxed. "Please eat less meat - meat is a very carbon-intensive commodity," he told an animal rights conference in London, Compassion in World Farming.

"Give up meat for one day [per week] at least initially, and decrease it from there," said the 68-year-old Indian economist who is beginning his second six-year term as the world's most influential global warming guru.

That filthy vegetarian! Incidentally, though, Pachauri is also Hindu, and his vegetarianism would seem to be partly connected to that. Care to take a swipe at the religious practices and worldview of around 220 million Indians, Miranda?

Having attacked our wool so unscrupulously and so successfully, PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is going for broke, claiming that meat is the "Number one cause of Global Warming".

Ah, I see. Once again, a non-veg*n raises the spectre of PETA to condemn all vegetarians and vegans.

In other words, action on climate change means turning into a nation of scrawny, lank-haired, dull-eyed vegans with wan babies who cry. Thanks but no thanks.

Man, it's like she knows me. I mean, I'm about ten kilos overweight, with hair that my hairdresser praises every time I'm there and a general look of being very much alive... but in essence, this is me. Certainly I'd never suggest that Miranda is being deeply offensive.

Not that I'm a big meat eater. In fact, family and friends will laugh at my attempted defence of meat, since I am mocked as a quasi-vegetarian, squeamish about any bone, skin, fat or gristle that hint at the true origins of a meal.

I have been a flesh philistine since childhood, and one of the most delicious meals I have ever eaten was a vegan feast at the Paddington home of Brian Sherman, the founder of the animal rights charity Voiceless.

Ah, you see? She's practically one of us. I totally want to invite her over for some chickpea cutlets and vegan cupcakes.

My meat aversion caused such anaemia during pregnancy I had to take iron tablets. I understand it is unsustainable and self-indulgent, and what's more, that a population which refuses to face the dirty truths about life and death becomes impossibly effete.

So true. Let's all stop our whining, get some balls, and chow down on a delicious bit of cow. Come on, for the sake of the planet. Or maybe try one of these (thanks to Boing Boing):

The Audacity of Cupcakes

So Barack Obama is officially the Democrats' choice for president. What's come to my attention via Cupcakes Take the Cake is that cupcakes (and cookies) love Obama, too! There's an entire Flickr pool dedicated to cookie and cupcake creations in honour of Obama/the Democrats/the campaign. Also, that Obama presented a cupcake to his CBS interviewer Harry Smith, whose birthday it was that day.

Rock the Vote Indiana!
Originally uploaded by Happiness in a Bite

Bikes + Cupcakes = Stars for Obama
Originally uploaded by Brian_Brooks

The pairing of Obama with cupcakes makes more sense the more I think about it. Cupcakes are somehow inherently likeable; they are extremely popular in all sorts of places; they have limited political experience, but would still be an improvement on the current administration. More of these cupcake tributes to Barack, I say — and some for Joe Biden while you're at it. (None for Palin.)